Baby Dennis,
I seem to be getting reminders again and again that you are going to be joining our family soon. From promptings to jokes, the feelings come that another little one needs to join our family and sooner than we had initially planned. I won't lie and say there isn't some nervousness that comes with this news. I am still recovering from my hip injury with Jonathan and I am not as far along as I would like to be before I got pregnant again. I also haven't managed to lose the baby weight from Jonathan. There are the fears that pop of up being a mom of two little ones. Sometimes I don't feel like I am very good at being a mom of one and so being a mom of two seems scary. I worry that I won't love you both enough or be enough for both of you. But when those fears creep up, I also get the feeling that it will all be okay in the end.
So there are some stories that I want to tell of these promptings that have come. Dad and I have felt prompted for a while that a little one was coming. We didn't know when or how but we knew we needed to get ready. On November 4th Jonathan and I went to a girl's night with some local people. When I went to buckle him into his carseat on the way back home he pointed to my stomach, said "baby" as clear as a bell, and giggled. I asked him if there was a baby in my tummy and he laughed and laughed and laughed. Now I know the veil is still coming in for Jonathan and there are sometimes that he is able to see things that I can't even imagine. For example, he told me who Jesus was not the other way around. There are other times that I can see that veil start to thicken and he is losing the other side. Oh it makes me so very sad! But in that moment the veil wasn't very thick.
I told Dad about the experience and he decided to quiz Jonathan about the baby on their next drive together. I don't know all the specifics but I do know that by the end Jonathan had confirmed there was a baby and that it was a "brother". Daddy came home over the moon about a new little one joining our family. It was during this drive that Dad was prompted as to what your name should be if you were in fact a boy, Daniel Grant Dennis. When I asked him about this name he said that he wanted one of our kids to be named after my dad. I was curious as to his rationale for that decision and he said that my dad was an amazing guy but he also hoped that Jonathan would love his brother like he loves his Papa. Jonathan and Papa have an amazing bond and I too, hope he shares that bond with you.
As we continued in the next few weeks we thought about what your name would be if you were a girl. However, I don't think a girl will be joining our family anytime soon. I know there is a little girl that will join our family but I think she will be towards the end. Anyway, I had received a prompting in the temple a little while ago that I needed a girl name and have been actively trying to fulfill that prompting. Any name that I try to come up with seems wrong and is quickly forgotten. As I have tried and tried to come up with a name I finally found one that stayed, Elaina Pearl (though we might not spell it that way).
However, it turns out that when Jonathan pointed at my tummy I wasn't pregnant just that moment. In fact, my period started two days later and I was so lost and confused. I figured I must have gotten the signals mixed up and went on with life. Imagine my surprise when within a week I had horrible morning sickness. I couldn't stand food or the smell of it. My nose could smell things a mile a way again. I was tired all the time and just miserable. I couldn't keep things down and I thought about the conversation with Jonathan again. It doesn't make sense because the biology of it should have been wrong but I know that God can work miracles.
As our trip to Barcelona was approaching for Thanksgiving I started to dread the trip. I would have to fly and there would be smells! The zoo was the worst and I swore I would never go to another zoo pregnant! It was on the Barcelona trip that I took my first pregnancy test. Dad thought for sure I was far enough along and he figured it would help me mentally to have some answers. I took the test and it came back as a resounding no. We came back a few days later and I took another one, again no. I waited a few more days and the answer hadn't changed. I tried again a few days later and still the same no. I tried again yesterday and the answer was still no.
To add to the other symptoms my hip slid out on Thursday morning. I rolled out of bed and went to stand and had to catch myself from falling because my left hip gave out on me. It has been really sore since then and I have had to stretch it and baby it a little bit. I have been swimming twice and walking at least a little bit every day. I went from being at almost 2 miles a day to be under a mile again. The only thing that makes sense with my hip would be the relaxin that the body produces in the early weeks of pregnancy. Relaxin helps with implantation and things of that nature. However, because of the exercises I have been doing I am healing faster than I ever had.
I was really struggling with my hip on an emotional level because I need to be able to take care of my family. I can't just sit around like last time because I have Jonathan to look after too. As I was struggling I prayed to God and told him I couldn't do this for 10 months. He reminded me that I was right but I could do it for today. So I have changed my mindset and am just getting through this one day at a time and one moment at a time.
We should know in a few days if we are really pregnant or not. Dad and I were talking last night that if we aren't pregnant this will be harder than any other miscarriage before it. Dad is completely convinced you are coming and walks around saying "what can I say except your pregnant" all day long. We even took announcement pictures in Barcelona because we were so certain. I don't know for sure one way or another. Some days it feels like I must be and other days I wonder. What I do know is that even if you aren't coming right now, I still know you are coming. I know it so much that I have already talked to Grammie Cami and Grammie Pearl about it. I do know that I wish I knew for certain so that I could explain to people about my symptoms and my hip. But I can't do that until I know for absolute certain. So while we wait to know I just wanted you to know the history of everything. We love you and are excited for you to one day join our family.
Until next time....
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